Would you rather be loved or love? Having tried both extremes, I really cannot decide. Loving someone brings you joy that seems to spread from the tips of your hair to the ends of your toes. Being loved brings security and comfort. Most importantly, it is not consuming. I will never feel compelled to agree with something that I don't. Never obliged to be someone whom I'm not. Never lose a part of myself. Not like in the past.
What constitutes a balanced relationship? Honestly, I cannot define my personal territories in a relationship. Not right now when the hurt is still fresh. Giving has become my second nature though I really want to be a bad-ass. This is the biggest reason why I'm single but unavailable. Until I can figure myself out.
The next reason is having much higher expectations. I have so much higher standards now. I'm not afraid to be a spinster, to a certain degree no longer controlled by my 25-years-old-get-married wish. I hope to find someone with the same faith, someone who has the same frequency and someone whom my friends can accept. Haha, I hope that I can find someone like you! (you should know who you are) Well, interesting musings. Can't decide if I should discourage someone who is really nice (though I have declared myself single but unavailable for a couple of years) or keep it as an open option. And my parents have been talking about weddings again. And boyfriends. If they find out I don't mind being a spinster, they are going to split!

Labels: July 2010