I read about her in your blog and I was surprised to find myself reacting in a different way from when I last read it. It tells me honestly the change of your place in my life has taken place. I felt wildly jealous, wondering about the place that she had in your heart. Oddly crave to compare myself against her, wanting to know who has a bigger share of your heart. Dumb and competitive I know, but I don't like to share. The fact that she could touch and wound you so deeply tells me much of what I need to know. But who am I to talk about this when I haven't made up my mind? You talk about life with you, and I just can't wait to press the fast forward button. The problem is only if I could obtain all these at no cost. I'd have just jumped in said yes. Now I'm caught on two ends, to say yes and to say no, I would pay dearly. My liabilities are fairly unlimited.

I don't want to play that role, I don't want to after the end of everything beautiful, be told that you'd wish it hadn't happened, I don't want to leave a scar or cause you pain.